How I found happiness & started loving life again (after 4 years)

Thinking-Out-Loud

My facebook status said it all.

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I was having dinner and my friend was shocked to find out that I am just getting myself back out into the world.

I have always been social, friendly, and talkative. I was all of those things until I was engrossed in my eating disorder, extreme working out and the repercussions from 2010 on.

I don’t know the exact time it ended because the food and fitness obsession continued to pop up. I tried to be perfect and not perfect.

Last year, I finally made friends. Some friendships lasted half a year. I had 3 casual relationships since then, all of which ranged from 2 weeks to 2 months.

It was a time to get back in the [social] saddle and to find my worth as a person. If you ask anyone, I’ve never dated someone “good enough.” There’s no such thing but sometimes there is too. My friend said this recently and it was a good reminder to find quality people.

My momma knows. She can look at someone and just tell me if they’re a good person. I can too. I just ignore it. No more of that.

In the last month, I’ve made new friends and they are all good people. They’re also adults. *Hey guys, I’m an adult now too!

On the phone with one of my best friends from college, Liz, we discussed relationships. Liz got out of a 7 year relationship and jumped into one 9 months ago. Liz says, I like pale, skinny, and nerdy guys.

Me & Liz, February 2007

Me & Liz, August 2009

My friends used to say I like “gangster white guys.” Who doesn’t have the bad boy phase, right? However, I’m getting older and wiser. My tastes have changed.

I like ’em tall, dark, and… just like Conor and Adam, my 2 amazing history major buddies: 6’+, brown-haired, drinkers (particularly beer), scruffy bearded, sport-loving, solid traveling men.

Adam & Conor, 2008

At some point or another, I had crushes on them. These are the guys that got away. Maybe not, one of them is still single.

And that’s what’s so comfortable about this guy I met.

I met him at a time when I was getting back to my old gangster white boy ways. After that, I didn’t see and hardly conversed with that other guy for a month.

Instead, I went to new guy’s place of work FOUR times, once when he wasn’t working because he was sick. I went with different friends, for different reasons and minded my own business, eating and only going to get my drinks from him. Unless we were doing happy hour and it wasn’t busy. *Somehow I was able to not be creepy. 🙂

But like my lovely Conor (Australia) and Adam (Spain and now lives in England), this guy is going abroad too. In 2 months. For a year.

In the meantime, I’m going to still go for it. Why?

Because he texts me the day after I see him, whether it was at work or not.

Because we don’t have whole conversations via text, which I like. I’m not just saying that either – I was just talking to a friend about this.

And when I thought he was just standoffish because of the lack of texting, there he goes sending me a picture of his… NyQuil.

Because he calls too. Once, to pick me up to go hang out, but it made more sense to meet there.

Because he thinks of things like exchanging our paintings.

Because we have similar interests and/or the willingness to do something new.

Because he’s 25 – my mom went to a psychic 15 years ago who said I would end up with someone 2 years younger or 10 years older.

Because, most importantly, he has all those qualities of an outstanding person.

This isn’t just about a guy or my friends, this is about me. It’s about my refusal to settle for less. It’s the return of the social butterfly.

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This happiness and positivity started with Blend and all the amazing ladies with similar interests and has transcended into my regular life.

I continue to stalk/keep in touch with my blog friends, make an effort with my girlfriends from the nonprofit, and say yes to my friends, probably because I like them so much.

A couple of beers & karaoke

Don’t worry, I say no too.

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And…

I didn’t advertise this as I did last time, but I had an interview this week, and the vice principal complimented me: “I see such a big difference in the last year.”

I was less nervous, personable, chatty, and just happy. “We can tell you love this.” Huh? I was totally done with teaching by the end of the year – I was at my wit’s end! What that love is then is my general love for life.

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Here’s to hoping that my winning from last week – all the snail mail, clothes, painting class, fun, memories made – will continue in my search for a permanent job!

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15 thoughts on “How I found happiness & started loving life again (after 4 years)

  1. I’m SO happy for you! Loving life and being comfortable are one of the most important things. The rest usually follow naturally after. Can’t wait to see what the next few months old for you 🙂

  2. I’m so happy for your personal growth. You simply radiate confidence in this post, Julie, and new romance is so fun. Cheers to you and your super bright future!

    • After all the years of not having romance, I don’t even know how to deal. My friend and I had a conversation and all the anxiety and butterflies is supposed to be nice but so unfamiliar that I don’t know how to take it! Hah, like some things that came up: “Are you the one initiating the contact more?” Um… am I supposed to keep a tally? Lol.

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