I’ve done raw.
I’ve done vegetarian.
I’ve gone Paleo.
I did Zumba… and every group exercise class ever.
I’ve tried hot yoga.
I’ve tried CrossFit.
I attempted to run. I have a 5K and a mud run under my belt.
I’ve added in walking.
And I’ll admit, I’m trying Intermittent Fasting to get rid of my obsessive food thoughts.
I like bread. I can do without rice, noodles, and pasta.
I like cheese.
I like nut butters. With peanut butter, or in superfood snack bites.
I love chocolate, and sour candy. 🙂
Oils and fats help me stay full. Arman, I tried coconut oil in my coffee.
We’re moving and I’ve had to sort my clothes. I threw out all my size 16 (junior sizing) pants when I got thin. That was a load off.
But when I came home (to California) 3 years ago, I put my junior size 3-5 clothing in a suitcase and hid it away. I couldn’t handle seeing the clothes I took so much care purchasing and looked so good in… because they didn’t fit anymore. I was 115 pounds, within the BMI for someone at 5’3.
I had to face the facts, I wasn’t going to fit this stuff anymore. I gave it to my little cousin and my mom tried some on. My mom, who is now 120 (after being 130-135 all her life) because of a bout with pneumonia and other illness, looks small and frail. She has very little muscle mass. Well, mom could hardly fit into my pants. And lemme tell ya, I’ve got a big ol’ booty.
When I was 115 pounds, I didn’t realize how tiny I was. My face earned quite a few wrinkles and I looked too thin for me. Not only that, I lost my period, had heart palpitations, and had 2 meals a day that consisted of an apple and PB.
Today, I weigh in between 135-140, which is still within the normal BMI but just barely. No one knows. No one thinks I weigh as much.
My weight changes for no reason – last summer with partying and drinking and stressing my body with little sleep and then work, I went down to almost 132 pounds. Somehow, I gained weight in the fall/winter despite not partaking in holiday meals. I weight more and my clothes are a little tighter, but I’m also more defined everywhere… even my inner thighs are starting to get some muscles.
I can tell you exactly what my sweet spot is. It’s 125 pounds. I can pinpoint it because that’s right before I started anorexic/exercise bulimic behaviors.
But you know what? I’ve stayed pretty stable for awhile. 5 pounds comes and goes every year and it evens out. I put my body through a lot and it’s trying to figure it out. P.S. A lot of it is in my midsection area, and considering everything I’ve done, I’m ruling that it’s hormones.
Today, I am strong – I was in yoga class between 4 women my age, all tinier than me but all struggling with their bodyweight and flexibility. I can also lift heavier things, I have pretty good cardio endurance, my health has returned, I eat well and feel good, I have a good job and goals, and dudes… kind of (see below).
This book is hilarious. I’m not a lighthouse, I’m the Bermuda Triangle. Metaphorically of course. Read the intro here.
So lately, here are my thoughts:
- My mom, at 120 pounds, ill and frail, can hardly fit into my pants at the lowest weight.
- My face got wrinkly, but it has now filled out.
- I’m stronger and more flexible than most people.
- I read Julie/PB Fingers’ post on “Working Out Together” and it confirms it: most guys don’t work out.
- I put my body through a lot, and it’s still trying to adjust. One day it’ll work itself out.
- It shouldn’t be this hard/it shouldn’t take over so much of my life.
- Screw this, let’s find love… because it’s still February and all. 🙂
What have you tried (vegetarian, Paleo, etc)? Why did you try it?
Do people in your life work out regularly?